Write a post entirely in the present tense.
Look, human, you know I haven’t got opposable thumbs. I need your help here. My Facebook friends need an update. There are no new posts on Princess Chloe the First. My fans don’t know what’s going on. You’re spending far too much time writing your own stuff and messing about with those widget things on your blog. What’s the point of you getting to be a hero from zero while the world is waiting to hear from me?
I appreciate that you are working hard on improving your writing skills, but I don’t get why I am not your principal topic. Remember that I am a senior dog and I deserve some priority. I’ve managed to open up my page so please write here, write now and don’t disappoint me.
(Occasional Stuff is closed while negotiations about the hierarchy in Baskerville Manor are in progress).